Sunday, July 25, 2010

Should I have hope? has been awhile since my last post. There has been chaos, chaos, and more chaos! But I guess that is what drug addicts stir up. My son moved back home briefly after his relationship with his girlfriend ended. His behavior was so crazy, I thought I would become physically ill or go crazy myself. We should know better, but tried to give him an opportunity to get on his feet. However he chose to dig a deeper hole. I don't think he realizes how bizarre he is on drugs. He has been very deceitful...lying about anything and everything, stealing anything he can, and probably much more that I don't think I even want to know. Anyway he eventually was asked to leave our home. He was homeless for a few weeks. Ouch! Now doesn't that break a parents heart. Most difficult thing I have ever had to do....also very nice to live without his sickness. That feels a little selfish to me to say that. I started attending Alanon meetings (they don't have naranon where I live). From the very first meeting I learned I do have a right to my own life even if he chooses to remain an active drug addict. It has truly helped me to feel better. Not to say that I don't still have sad times of wishing his life didn't ever take this path. But I have mustered a little strength here and there. So thanks to whoever suggested Alanon. I have to disconnect from him and let him go. About the same time I began to let go of him, he decided to check himself into a rehab. Maybe there is hope.......

Sunday, February 21, 2010

When does the lying stop? Should a parent try to detect all the lies? He is 21 and does not live with us. Do we just let it continue or spend all of our time trying to stop it and being disappointed yet again. What is real with him? Does he care about his family? It is exhausting! I don't get it! Wanting to find a peaceful place for my mind to go to...Want him to just be WELL! I don't know if I can be well if he isn't well.

Thanks so much to all of you for your thoughts and support. So sorry you know what I am going through. You gave this heart-broken mom a lift today. Thank you for sharing. Our experience sounds very close to many of your experiences.

I will strive to be strong today!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

What Happened?

Wow! The past year has been filled with lies and unbelievable stories from our drug addicted son. How in the world did this happen? My husband and I have spent many hours and sleepless nights trying to figure out when everything went wrong. It hit us smack in the face this year. He tried to hide his problem, but it became so apparant to us....the behavior was so strange and so dishonest. We are so frightened for him. We are frightened for ourselves and the loss of who our son really is. He has hurt people close to him that care about him with his dishonesty.

We are trying to find a way to feel somewhat normal. We must find a way to carry on. His actions have created such turmoil in our lives. How to gain control of our lives to love a drug to hold our heads to not feel crazy because of his to have hope.