Sunday, July 25, 2010

Should I have hope?

So...it has been awhile since my last post. There has been chaos, chaos, and more chaos! But I guess that is what drug addicts stir up. My son moved back home briefly after his relationship with his girlfriend ended. His behavior was so crazy, I thought I would become physically ill or go crazy myself. We should know better, but tried to give him an opportunity to get on his feet. However he chose to dig a deeper hole. I don't think he realizes how bizarre he is on drugs. He has been very deceitful...lying about anything and everything, stealing anything he can, and probably much more that I don't think I even want to know. Anyway he eventually was asked to leave our home. He was homeless for a few weeks. Ouch! Now doesn't that break a parents heart. Most difficult thing I have ever had to do....also very nice to live without his sickness. That feels a little selfish to me to say that. I started attending Alanon meetings (they don't have naranon where I live). From the very first meeting I learned I do have a right to my own life even if he chooses to remain an active drug addict. It has truly helped me to feel better. Not to say that I don't still have sad times of wishing his life didn't ever take this path. But I have mustered a little strength here and there. So thanks to whoever suggested Alanon. I have to disconnect from him and let him go. About the same time I began to let go of him, he decided to check himself into a rehab. Maybe there is hope.......
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13 comments:

  1. KristiJuly 25, 2010 at 3:22 PM

    Where there is life there is always hope! I will pray for you and your son. Blessings to you both!

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  2. Kelli F.July 25, 2010 at 6:26 PM

    God bless you Jake's Mom. Thank you for your kindness and prayers.

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  3. LisaJuly 25, 2010 at 6:41 PM

    What we learn as we detach WITH LOVE is that our addicts often take control and start making good decisions...maybe our efforts to help and do for them got in the way of that. That's what I have learned in meetings anyway.

    God bless you for recognizing that you deserve a good life and you can still love your son without being completed wrapped up in his addiction. I will continue to keep you and your son in my prayers.

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  4. The neverending battle of child's opiate addictionJuly 26, 2010 at 8:45 AM

    Al-Anon has been a blessing to me. Once I started to detach with love, my son started taking some action for himself. Whether it is the right action or not, it is HIS action. Now I just try and worry about my own action and whether it is the next right thing. Happy to hear you are getting support.

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  5. SydJuly 27, 2010 at 10:16 AM

    I am so glad that you found Al-Anon. It is a life saver in so many ways.

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  6. UnknownAugust 3, 2010 at 5:11 AM

    I wish I could say this was the beginning of the new son..... I have hope, but I am also replete with reality. I too have kicked my son out. I too have rendered him homeless; rather, his addiction left him homeless. I deal with his projection of his use related to "not being there" for him. But, while my life is measured these days by the crisis de jour, I am learning to live again, apart from his addiction. You will too! Prayers and hugs

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  7. Bar L.August 5, 2010 at 9:41 PM

    Don't ever give up hope. It feels hopeless sometimes but we can't let go of it, others have recovered and transformed their lives. It does happen. In the meantime, I am tired of it all and empathize with what you are going through. Thinking of you.

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  8. UnknownAugust 17, 2010 at 9:36 PM

    There is always hope as long as you choose to believe there is.... Praying for you!

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  9. D.November 18, 2010 at 9:41 PM

    My first visit to your site...you sound like me! Please post again and let us know how you are doing. I too have a son in recovery...from heroin addiction...you can find me at: http://lightinthedark-freedomfromheroin.blogspot.com/
    We need to stay in the Light....God bless you.

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  10. SidDecember 22, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    Hey,

    I've been a heroin addict for nearly fourteen years, starting at 17.

    Ive struggled for years with it, and the damage and pain you cause your family is awful, it also feeds back into the cycle of using though through the guilt!

    Interesting blog anyway, I know writing really helps me.. I've recently started blogging about it all anyway

    Sids

    Ive blogged about it anyway

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  11. crucketMay 13, 2012 at 12:10 AM

    when will having a right to my own life actually start? I am also planning on attending alanon meetings in my area. they seem to focus on the regular folk who work regular hours, im still serching for one that is held during the day in my area.
    i feel completely bullied by my drug addict, im hurt and feel that i was treated so selfishly and heartlessly during thier addiction and now, thru thier recovery. The selfishness is at times, unbaerable.
    is this something that alanon will be helping me understand and work through? i cry everyday. and i still feel like i dont have my own life and often if i stand my ground that i will loose my addict. it has been like being in jail, im sure for the addict too. but the difference is...no one knows IM there.

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